Starbucks

9 out of 10 times, if someone is posting about a business, it’s usually a complaint.

A friend of a friend of mine prides herself on being an elite status gold member on Yelp or whatever it’s called, and if a waitress so much as looks at her wrong, she writes a novel of a bad review.

It’s times like this I remind myself that social media isn’t bad, just the majority of people who go surfing and trolling on there every 5 minutes.

I remember there was this dude on LinkedIn literally complaining about McDonald’s, and how their customer service was so terrible, when all he ordered was a $1 cone at their drive thru.

I didn’t even know they made those anymore. Like no shit man, it’s fucking McDonald’s. What did you expect? The Ritz Carlton?

On my lunch break last week, I went to my local Starbucks and got my usual order. It’s a tall pike with cream and sugar, that’s it. Nothing frilly, foofy or unicorn colored about it. I just like bold coffee.

One afternoon I ordered it, and the guy literally said, ‘Okay that was my easiest order of the day.’

No shit guy, because everybody orders fucking large 500 calorie milkshakes there, not coffee.

So I ordered my usual one day, and the Starbucks guy was like, ‘We don’t have any Pike, we just have a dark roast, I’m really sorry, is that OK?’ He pre-emptively apologized as if I was going to whip him in the face.

Now that I actually thought of his apology in advance, the people that go to Starbucks have to be savage. Retail is brutal on the human body.

Studies say retail takes 5 years off your life.

Or that’s how I feel about working retail anyways. The stress just isn’t worth it.

Anyways, I wasn’t too particular about my coffee, so I said yeah sure whatever that’s fine.

They actually went so far as to make the actual brew that I wanted.

And as I was waiting, they checked on me and said, ‘Really sorry about the wait, it’ll just be a few minutes.’

Like no man, once you hand me that coffee, I gotta go back to work. The longer you take, the longer my break.

When it was done they handed me my cup. Not only was it a size larger, but they also gave me a gift card for waiting.

The gift card said, ‘the next one’s on us’, as if it was code for, ‘Thanks for not being one of our shit fit customers or a cabal of secret Yelp reviewers who troll us on the internet.’

The moral of the story is, don’t be a fucking dick. You might get free shit on top of some free shit.

Interesting epilogue to this story. I watch Twitch because I’m a video game nerd, and have nothing better to do than watch other people play games.

One of the Twitch streamers I watch used to be a barista at Starbucks for a few years. He also described his customers as savage. One woman who would walk in, was homeless and would wash her hair in the toilet.

Anyways on his stream, he told the story that after he quit Starbucks, he had these horrible caffeine withdrawal headaches.

It wasn’t because he drank too much coffee at Starbucks. He handled so many pounds of coffee at work, it absorbed through his skin!

He had terrible headaches for weeks. No amount of coffee he drank would get rid of them for a while.

Retail man. It’s fuckin brutal.

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