Ron Swanson Fourth Of July

So here’s what ticked me off.

This Fourth of July weekend wasn’t really a weekend at all. It was a weekend, but then there was an awkward Monday where we had to go to work, and then another day off.

That awkward Monday, really messed things up.

It’s like the people of America got to party and really get down for one night only, but then we had to behave because Monday was around the corner, but after THAT, there’s a national holiday around the corner.

That really interrupted a lot of good times and shenanigans.

Have you ever tried to get a good night’s sleep but then you woke up at around 3 AM, and had trouble getting back to sleep. Then by the next day you were tired?

That’s what this past weekend was like. And it’s not like that Monday was really a full day of work for people. About half the office was actually in the office, and then the other half was still out partying like Monday wasn’t even a thing.

The people who were in the office like me, we weren’t even productive. We all just kind of sat there universally and half assed it.

The only real benefits to coming in were better parking and no traffic jams. That was it.

Anybody who called me on the phone and really wanted something from me sure as hell didn’t get it.

Because in my head I felt, Why is this motherfucker calling me? Are they really asking me for something before THE Motherfucking Fourth of July?

I saw somebody in the hallway who plays on our softball team and I asked her, ‘Hey, how was your holiday weekend?’ But then it was awkward because we didn’t have a holiday weekend. So then I had to correct myself and add ‘…even though The Fourth of July hasn’t even happened yet, hahaha.’ Way to play shit off.

I know what companies are thinking. They’re thinking it’s bad enough enough we have to give employees a certain number of days off because of holidays like the Fourth of July, Christmas, etc.

The government made us give employees those days off and we’re already losing money on those days. But if we give them more days off like Mondays right before holidays, we lose even more money.

So we better have them come in on that Monday. At least we won’t lose money.

That thinking just doesn’t make any sense at all, but that’s how employers think.

Meanwhile I’m sure all the higher-ups in that business are all on vacation that whole week anyways, never checking their email and letting other people do their grunt work. And the people who do come in just end up being resentful. Not a win-win situation.

A few years ago, I used to work for a trade association and every year, employers would fight the state because the government wanted to pass laws to give more paid family leave time to parents who just had a kid.

Their whole stick up their ass was if parents had more time off with their newborn children at home and got paid for it, businesses would lose out, and it will be “devastating” for the industry.

This is actually what groups of business owners and their lawyers would tell elected politicians. And they would beat this drum for months and even years. It’s nuts.

If I were an employer, I would just pay my employees for that awkward Monday off. Even though I’d be losing money upfront.

At least, I would know they would come back into work the next day, well rested. Maybe they even got laid, we hungover, whatever they were into. But they wouldn’t feel resentful with bad feelings. I know they would be ready to go.

Plus they’re a valuable employee, who is the biggest asset to my business. If you’re a business that makes fucking millions, or even billions of dollars, what’s an extra day off cost? Nothing.

As for me, why didn’t I just take the day off? I’m in the middle of planning a week and a half long epic vacation later this year, so I need to earn every day off that I can get.

Plus if I can walk into work, get stuff done while nobody’s there, have fun, go home, get drunk and fool around like Tuesday is an extra Friday… Sure, why not?

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